not 23
i used to wonder how does it feel to turn 23. when i was 12, i could not wait to grow up. it's not that i have a bad childhood or anything, but the idea of growing up and living my life without my parents' support does seem appealing to a 12 year-old idealist back then. Back then nothing seems more appealing than full fledged freedom. everything seems so slow and tedious and childish. all that matter is getting out of the parents grip and having the power to do anything that i long to.
and today i turn 23 after years of waiting.
the idealist has long been dead and buried. i have a job, but honestly i don't have a clear direction for my career. i do know that i want to be rich though, but any 7-year-old can also tell you that right? as for freedom, i don't know whether i am entitled to that anymore. i still live at home with my parents. i still have to report to my parents whenever i am coming home late. i still have somebody driving me up to work now, instead of having my dad dropping me at school. i am totally terrified of driving manual car.i still suffer from low self esteem from time to time, just like i always did during school days. my pimples are getting worryingly bigger and i am getting more conscious about my look. problems just get bigger but my heart is getting smaller. i have a dull headache that i have to fight everytime i set foot in my office. oh bencinya!
why?
23 is not suppose to be like this. it is suppose to be full of excitement with young blood always waiting to pounce. it is suppose to be all rosy with eveything going according to the plan. it is suppose to be full of clear skin, nice hair waif like lightness. it is suppose to be full of laughter and living on my own with friends who cares and family who understands. it is suppose to toxify your soul in love which is full of lovely surprises and tender hugs and kisses. it is suppose to slave yourself to a company which will ensure your steady uprise in the corporate ladder and spending half your life in the airport waiting for the plane to arrive. it is suppose to enrich our brain with the theory of life and the rebelliousness of holden of catcher in the rye.
i do miss my 12 year-old innocence with the world in front of me and my old bicycle my ever true love with stealing glances from my next door neighbour.
by the way, you are not suppose to work on your birthday, right?
it just kills everything.
and today i turn 23 after years of waiting.
the idealist has long been dead and buried. i have a job, but honestly i don't have a clear direction for my career. i do know that i want to be rich though, but any 7-year-old can also tell you that right? as for freedom, i don't know whether i am entitled to that anymore. i still live at home with my parents. i still have to report to my parents whenever i am coming home late. i still have somebody driving me up to work now, instead of having my dad dropping me at school. i am totally terrified of driving manual car.i still suffer from low self esteem from time to time, just like i always did during school days. my pimples are getting worryingly bigger and i am getting more conscious about my look. problems just get bigger but my heart is getting smaller. i have a dull headache that i have to fight everytime i set foot in my office. oh bencinya!
why?
23 is not suppose to be like this. it is suppose to be full of excitement with young blood always waiting to pounce. it is suppose to be all rosy with eveything going according to the plan. it is suppose to be full of clear skin, nice hair waif like lightness. it is suppose to be full of laughter and living on my own with friends who cares and family who understands. it is suppose to toxify your soul in love which is full of lovely surprises and tender hugs and kisses. it is suppose to slave yourself to a company which will ensure your steady uprise in the corporate ladder and spending half your life in the airport waiting for the plane to arrive. it is suppose to enrich our brain with the theory of life and the rebelliousness of holden of catcher in the rye.
i do miss my 12 year-old innocence with the world in front of me and my old bicycle my ever true love with stealing glances from my next door neighbour.
by the way, you are not suppose to work on your birthday, right?
it just kills everything.
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